Family BondingWhy Does My Mother Put Me Down?


Why Does My Mother Put Me Down?

Do you feel like you are not good enough despite your best efforts and are constantly being put down by your mother? You are not alone as many people have gone through the same experience and question “Why does my mother put me down?”

It is a difficult and painful experience to constantly endure criticism, negative comments, and judgmental behavior from someone who is meant to be your biggest cheerleader. It makes you feel helpless and worthless, and impacts your self-esteem, and also your mental and emotional well-being. The reasons behind your mother’s behavior might be complex but it has major impacts. It can affect every aspect of your life and prevent you from reaching your full potential. Understanding the reasons why your mother is behaving this way will allow you to come out of this difficult situation.

Signs That Your Mother Is Putting You Down

The primary caregivers and nurturers of children are their mothers. Mothers give children emotional support, guidance, and love to their children so that they are able to prosper. However, not all mothers are supportive and positive influences in their children’s lives. There are mothers who put down their children which causes emotional harm and also has long-lasting effects on the confidence of their children. The signs that your mother is putting you down are:

Signs that your mother is putting you down

Criticizes Your Appearance

If your mother criticizes on how you look it can be upsetting and cause damage to your self-esteem. Remarks about your weight, hairstyle, or clothing make you feel inadequate or inferior.

Compares You to Others

When your mother compares you to siblings, friends, or other children, it undermines your self-confidence. These comparisons can make you feel like you are not good enough or that you are always competing with others.

Dismisses Your Accomplishments

If your mother dismisses your achievements or downplays your successes it can be demotivating. A supportive mother would celebrate your accomplishments and encourage you to reach your goals.

Belittles Your Ideas

If your mother belittles your ideas and dismisses your opinions, then you might think to yourself that your thoughts or feelings don’t matter. A healthy mother-child relationship is one where there is respect and open communication allowing both parties to express their thoughts and feelings.

Makes Fun of You

When your mother regularly teases or ridicules you it becomes harmful and can cause emotional pain. Making fun of their own children is never acceptable behavior for a mother.

Blames You for Her Problems

When your mother blames you for her problems or emotions it can be really upsetting for you. Your mother should hold herself accountable for her actions and not use you as a means for her problems.

Uses Guilt to Manipulate You

A type of emotional manipulation where your mother uses guilt to get you to do what she wants is known as guilt-tripping. This behavior can make you feel guilty and cause damage emotionally.

Overreacts to Your Mistakes

Humans are prone to making mistakes. If your mother overreacts to your mistakes, you could develop a feeling that you are not allowed to make mistakes at all. A supportive mother provides guidance and encouragement rather than criticism and punishment.

Gaslights You

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where your mother denies or minimizes your feelings and experiences. She may tell you that you are overreacting or imagining things making you doubt your perceptions and experiences.

Uses Insulting Language

If your mother uses insulting language or calls you names it becomes abusive which results in long-lasting emotional damage.

Refuses to Apologize

If your mother refuses to apologize to you for her hurtful behavior, a sense that your feelings don’t matter can work inside you. A healthy mother-child relationship is one where there is accountability and the willingness to make amends.

Reasons for Your Mother to Put You Down

Mothers provide unconditional love and support to their children. But there are some mothers who put down their children with negative comments and behaviors. This can have a detrimental effect on their children’s self-esteem and confidence. The reasons why your mother is putting you down are:

Reasons for your mother to put you down

Insecurity and Jealousy

Your mother could be insecure or jealous of your accomplishments so she may put you down in order to feel better about herself. She may feel threatened by your successes and use negative comments to undermine your confidence.

Unresolved Issues from Childhood

If your mother had a difficult childhood or an abusive parent then she may be unknowingly repeating those same patterns with you. This can result in her putting you down to regain a sense of control or power.

Mental Health Issues

Your mothers might be struggling with mental health issues such as depression or anxiety and take out her feelings on you. This causes her to say hurtful things when she is feeling overwhelmed or stressed.

Lack of Emotional Support

It could be that your mothers did not receive any emotional support or proper nurturing in her childhood. This is why she is not being able to provide you with the proper nurturing that you need. She may put you down as a way to cope with her own emotional pain.

Substance Abuse

Mothers struggling with substance abuse may put their children down when they are under the influence. Substance abuse can diminish judgment which causes your mother to act impulsively or say hurtful things to you.

Control Issues

If your mother is someone who has control issues, then she may put you down to maintain control over you. She could use negative comments to manipulate you and keep you from expressing your own thoughts and feelings.

Unresolved Marital Issues

When mothers are in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage then they may put down their children as a way to cope with their own frustrations. As a result, mothers may use negative comments to vent their feelings or take out their anger on their children.

Personality Disorders

If your mother has personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder, she may put you down to maintain her sense of superiority. She may use negative comments to assert her dominance over you and keep you under her control.

Lack of Parenting Skills

Mothers who lack parenting skills use their children as a way to demonstrate their authority. Your mother might be overwhelmed by the responsibilities of parenting and use negative comments as a way to control you.

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Ways to Deal with Your Mother Putting You Down

Dealing with a mother who constantly puts you down can be emotionally exhausting and challenging. However, there are various strategies you can use to tackle such a situation and improve your relationship with your mother. The different ways to deal with a mother putting you down are:

Try to Understand Her Actions

Understanding the reasons for your mother’s behavior can help you empathize with her and avoid taking her words personally. She might be demonstrating her insecurities, past experiences, or unfulfilled expectations to you. Accept that her actions may not be about you but rather her own issues.

Develop assertive communication skills

Learn to express your feelings and thoughts assertively without aggression or passivity. Practice using “I” statements, maintaining eye contact, and speaking clearly and calmly. This will enable you to communicate your perspective effectively and to stand up for yourself when your mother puts you down.

Set boundaries

Establish clear boundaries with your mother to maintain a healthy relationship. Politely communicate your limits and expectations and let her know that you will not accept her disrespectful comments. Be firm but respectful in enforcing these boundaries when necessary.

Seek support from others

Surround yourself with positive people who uplift and encourage you. Share your experiences with trusted friends or family members who can offer emotional support and guidance. You can also consider joining a support group or seeking therapy to help navigate your feelings and relationship with your mother.

Accept that you cannot change her behavior

Recognize that you cannot control your mother’s actions or force her to change. Focus on your reactions and the aspects of the relationship that you can influence. Accepting this can help alleviate feelings of frustration and disappointment.

Seeking Professional Help

If your mother’s behavior is causing significant distress or affecting your mental health consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide valuable insights, coping strategies, and support to help you navigate this challenging relationship.


1. Is it normal for a mother to put down her child?

It is not normal for a mother to consistently put down her child. Children need strength and support from their parents in order to develop a healthy sense of self-worth.

2. What are the effects of a mother putting down her child?

The effects of a mother putting down her child can include low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, difficulty forming healthy relationships, and a negative self-image that can persist into adulthood.

3. How can I talk to my mother about her putting me down?

It can be difficult to approach a parent who consistently puts you down. It may be helpful to express your feelings in a calm and respectful manner in such a situation.

Final Thoughts

It can be an emotionally taxing experience when your mother constantly puts you down. Negative interactions with a parent particularly from your mother who is expected to be loving and supportive can have far-reaching impacts and can negatively affect your self-esteem and self-worth. While it is easy to internalize criticism and negativity it is important to note that there are often reasons behind a mother putting her child down. This may include past traumas, unrealistic expectations, mental health challenges, jealousy, and even personality differences. Seeking help from professionals and people you love can help you address the issue and improve your relationship with your mother.

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Tyler S. Rios, a parent of two, shares her valuable insights into family life. Her blogs focus on parent-child relationships and navigating family conflicts. Tyler's wealth of experience empowers readers to handle family challenges with resilience and resolution.

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