Family BondingWhy Am I Always The Bad Guy In My Family?

Why am i always the bad guy in my family?

Why Am I Always The Bad Guy In My Family?

The bond of our family is extremely important to survive in this world. Family helps us to get through any disastrous times and experiences in our lives. We always find them at our best time to share our happiness and achievements as well. We always get a sense of relief when we get to our family from the chaos of the outside world.

But there are times you don’t feel respected or loved enough in your family and everyone tends to avoid you. I know these experiences can be very painful coming from your family and make you think why am I always the bad guy in my family? There can be several reasons why your family treats you in certain ways. I have put together all the traits that can make people react to your behavior and give you the appearance of a bad guy so that you can work on yourself and change these toxic traits.

11 Reasons Might Be The Bad Guy In Your Family

You might think that you are an amusing person, but the people around you might have the exact opposite opinion about you. Even the family of the worst person in the world would not want to leave them in their bad times. Here are 11 reasons why you might be the bad guy to your family members:

You Are Controlling, Manipulative, And Try To Dominate Everyone Around You
You Are Controlling, Manipulative, And Try To Dominate Everyone Around You

1. You Are Controlling, Manipulative, And Try To Dominate Everyone Around You

If you are the bad guy in your family, most probably that’s because you are the one who tries to control everything around you. You want everything going according to your plan. You always try to manipulate everyone to do things as you wish to get what you want. But you find it very difficult to obey others or respect others’ opinions. You tend to forget that everyone has their own life and they are the authority of their life, not you. No one likes a person who wants to dominate everything around their life.

This kind of manipulative, controlling, and dominating behavior, only makes people scare you, not respect you or make you the authority of their life. So, if you are the one with these kinds of traits, that is probably the reason why you are always the bad guy in the family.

You Criticize and Gossip About People Behind Their Back
You Criticize and Gossip About People Behind Their Back

2. You Criticize and Gossip About People Behind Their Back

You are always the negative one in the family who never has anything nice to say. You try to look for people’s flaws all the time and highlight them in front of others. You are that toxic person in the family who spits venom with every word you say and has fun destroying all the self-esteem of others.

You never know when to keep your mouth shut and always spread rumors about others. If you don’t like anyone because you cannot control that person, it gives you pleasure if you can ruin their reputation by any means. It is fun for you to destroy people’s souls with the constant criticism of your spiteful mouth.

But you should remember that people understand the nature of these kinds of people and avoid them in the long run. Those who can speak badly about others behind their back can also speak badly about you behind your back. With this type of person, people can only listen but never share.

You Are Judgmental and Never Take Responsibility for Your Actions
You Are Judgmental and Never Take Responsibility for Your Actions

3. You Are Judgmental and Never Take Responsibility for Your Actions

Even though you always look for people’s flaws, you never look into yours. You always judge people about everything, their face, their body language, speaking, personality, manners and the list goes on. But you never look in the mirror and think that you are the person who is actually flawed.

You can be mannerless by saying everything on the face and calling it bravery, but you never address that it can hurt people. You despise the mannerless people but never look into your own manners. You always think it is the other person’s fault and never yours.

If you are told to do certain things, and you mess up, you make thousands of excuses to prove that it is not your fault and that other people are responsible for anything wrong that happened. You fail to take responsibility for your own actions and words.

You are always the victim and blame your problems on everyone else
You Are Always the Victim and Blame Your Problems on Everyone Else

4. You Are Always the Victim and Blame Your Problems on Everyone Else

You love to think that everyone is waiting to get you in their traps and that you are always the victim. The whole world is conspiring against you and whatever the problem is, it is never you. You have this toxic trait of overstating every story in your favor proving how the other person has done wrong to you.

And you always try to manipulate everyone how they should avoid that person because he or she has done this or that to you. Being this defensive about your own feelings and thoughts does not make you attractive, rather it makes you a really weak one. Again, you cannot control who can befriend anyone or not.

It is easier for you to blame others for your own doing to escape any situation but doing this for a long time will make it really tough for you to move on. Also, these will not go unnoticed by people, and they understand that the main problem is actually you.

You are arrogant and belittle others
You Are Arrogant and Belittle Others

5. You Are Arrogant and Belittle Others

Another thing that can make you the bad guy in the family is that you are a narcissist, very self-centered, and love to think that you are always better than others. You think that you are more worthy than anyone else around you, and only your happiness matters.

You try to portray yourself as a positive person, but your arrogance and superiority complex don’t really allow others to think that way. You might love to show the world how great you are, but you should not forget that the world does not revolve around you. Everyone has their own world and doesn’t really have a place for an arrogant one who can’t respect others.

You might think that everyone is inferior to you and you can behave however you want with them. But you can hardly get any respect or sympathy from others in this way. You are only nice when others’ ideas and opinions sync with yours since you only care about yourself. And if not, all you do is bitch and complain about that person.

You don’t listen or try to understand
You Don’t Listen or Try to Understand

6. You Don’t Listen or Try to Understand

You do not like to listen to what other people are trying to say. You do not care about their opinion and only try to impose yours on others. This nature will make other family members ignore you when they see that your only contribution to the family is to criticize everyone in a passive-aggressive way.

More importantly, if you are someone who thinks that whatever you are thinking is the ultimate truth, and does not even try to understand that other people can have completely different thoughts and situations, then it might be hard to listen but you are living in a fool’s paradise.

Everything can have a very different point of view or think differently. And if you can not understand them or respect them, you might not be an empathic person. People tend to avoid those who do not listen, understand, or respect their situation.

You do not apologize and make others guilty for nothing
You Do Not Apologize and Make Others Guilty for Nothing

7. You Do Not Apologize and Make Others Guilty for Nothing

You always portray yourself as the “always right” person and never apologize for your mistakes. You are also just a human and mistakes happen but you tend to deny that you can make any mistakes. If you feed yourself with this imaginary ego of yours, the hard truth is, it will let you down pretty soon.

It will make you the type of person who makes people feel bad and guilty about themselves without any cause. To hide your mistakes, you tend to impose those on others in a manipulative way.

A little sorry never hurts, try it once in a while and you are going to be accustomed to it. No matter what the situation is, everyone likes it when a person takes responsibility for his words or actions.

You are a liar, selfish, and ungrateful
You Are a Liar, Selfish, And Ungrateful

8. You Are a Liar, Selfish, And Ungrateful

If you are a liar, then it is a no-brainer why you are the bad guy in the family. If you tend to lie about every little thing to protect yourself from consequences then it will create an impression of an untrustworthy person. Then, every little good you have done will become questionable and no one will easily trust your words.

Also, if you are selfish and never grateful to anyone ever has done any good to you, then that’s another serious issue that you should change about yourself. You always expect more from people than you deserve, but when it comes to others you don’t want to give them the least amount of credit. This boastful nature also brings out the lying nature of people.

You are too rude and needy
You Are Too Rude and Needy

9. You Are Too Rude and Needy

You might be the one who always talks rudely to people and can never show any courtesy or respect towards others. It does not matter if you are talking to an elder person or a younger, a rich person or not, you never try to understand other people’s feelings and say whatever you want.

You always want people to give you whatever you want and cater to your every single wish. If they fail to do so, it makes you mad and you lose all of your control. You do not even hesitate to shout in public if you do not get what you want. Everything has to be in your way, always keeping you satisfied. People get easily tired of this type of people and do as they wish out of frustration.

You are jealous and never appreciative
You Are Jealous and Never Appreciative

10. You Are Jealous and Never Appreciative

If you are never happy for others and always despise that other people are doing good or they are happy, then you are and you will always be the black sheep of the family. You are miserable inside and instead of supporting and praising other people’s happiness and achievements, you always try to ruin their moment by saying something rude or negative.

If you get easily jealous of other people. You try to demean them in any way possible. You tend to be insecure and express those insecurities with negative words or actions towards that person.  You also do not hesitate to spread rumors about that person to make yourself feel better.

No one likes to share their happy moments or achievements with someone if they do not appreciate, get jealous, and do not even feel happy for them. If you can’t clap for others, no one will clap for you as well. You will be the last on the list to get to know any family news or get invited.

You are not engaged with your family and your emotions are inconsistent
You Are Not Engaged with Your Family and Your Emotions Are Inconsistent

11. You Are Not Engaged with Your Family and Your Emotions Are Inconsistent

If you are always busy in your own world, doing your own stuff, or being on the phone all the time, more likely it is going to create a distance between you and your family. More problems will start to appear between you with no possible solutions. Try to spend more time with your family and talk about your problems. It will give the appearance of a responsible person who can handle things with care.

Also, your emotional state is very fragile and you can not be constant about your feelings. No one ever knows how you are going to react in any situation to your instant mood swings. You cannot handle any sort of truth regarding you and act childish. Also, you have trust issues and you doubt everyone’s actions towards you. Everyone will become anxious and afraid when they have to talk with you as if they are walking on an eggshell. Since they never know what is coming next if they go and talk to you, they choose to avoid you altogether.

If you also think you have one of these toxic characteristics within you, then it is high time you address the problems and try to come to a solution, because only one of these traits is enough to make you the bad guy of the family.

You May like: What Does the Bible Say About Toxic Family Members?

Changing Yourself for the Better – 6 Ways To Stop Being the Bad Guy in the Family

If you have already evaluated your personal traits and understand why you are always the bad guy in your family, you might also want to know how you can change the behavior. Changing is not easy, you have to very consciously bring these changes into your life. Here I have mentioned some ways that can help you to cut yourself from the bad guy list and become everyone’s favorite again.

Changing yourself for the better – 6 ways to stop being the bad guy in the family
Changing Yourself for the Better – 6 Ways To Stop Being the Bad Guy in the Family

1. Assess your intentions

Always try to understand why you are doing a certain behavior to someone, do they really deserve that? Before speaking up instantly after an action, check first how you can say things differently while not letting the other person feel down or feel bad. Ask yourself about your true intentions before doing a certain action and saying something to others. Remember that, there will be consequences for your every action. It will help you to regulate most of the problems of your life.

2. Try to discipline your behavior, not others

Under the curtain of keeping everything under your control, stop being the bully. Stop yourself, before you speak about people’s manners and their behavior. Speaking directly about these things does not help to prove you are a well-mannered person as well. Calm yourself down, let things flow in their way, and do not try to control everything around you. You will see how everything becomes normal around you.

3. Don’t hold grudges against others

Holding a grudge against someone in your heart does not really hurt the other person, it hurts yourself. Do not let your anger, or grudge win against you. These things will function as oil in the fire of your relationships or conflicts. Holding a grudge will also make you feel tired and exhausted which can gaslight your behavior once again.

4. Quit talking behind their backs

If you want to change your life for good, quit this one bad habit and see how the tables turn around you. Back-biting never makes you a respectable person, rather it makes you a person with no values and who is only interested in small talk. Right away, stop talking about people and start working on yourself.

5. Be an empath

Sometimes, people need someone who can just listen to them, nothing else. If you can’t solve someone’s problem, just be there for them. Do not compare, and get jealous. Try to be happy for others’ happiness and achievements. Try to listen to people and take your time to understand them. Try to put yourself in their shoes sometimes and do not say anything inconsiderate to satisfy your ego. If you respect others, you can earn respect. So, try to be an empath and be an understanding person to be on the good list of your family. And if you have nothing good to say, just keep quiet.

6. Focus more on the people and not on the things

Everything will not always happen according to your plan. Things will mess up and you will not always get what you want. I know, you can struggle in these situations, but a little patience can save you from bitter experiences. Always try to prioritize the people and your relationships with you, not the things or incidents that made you feel bad. Things will be much easier in this way.


1. Why does someone make you feel like a bad person?

When someone makes you feel like a bad person, remember that it just can be gaslighting and doesn’t have to be true. Gaslighting is emotional abuse when the other person wants to make you doubt yourself and your account of a certain issue and can come from anyone you are close to.

2. Why am I so mean to my family?

If you have faced traumatic experiences from your childhood, like neglect, abuse, parental biases among siblings, unresolved childhood conflict, broken family, or just a strained and detached relationship with parents, it can make you mean towards your family. However, being rude and mean can never be justified and if you are suffering from any of these issues, you should seek professional help.

3. Why do I feel like I am a bad person?

If you really feel like you are a bad person, it also indicates that you care about people’s feelings and you feel guilty for your actions. If you have done nothing wrong, done no harm to anyone, or hurt anyone physically or emotionally, do not blame yourself for anything. But if you cannot pass judgment on yourself, there might be deep-rooted problems and you should take medical help.

Final Thoughts

The feeling of desertion from your own family can be really tough. But do not come to a conclusion before properly evaluating all the consequences. Sometimes, the reaction to your own action can leave you wounded. Think about the consequences of every action you take, or every word you say. These might solve most of the problems in your life. If you think, you are not the bad person in your family, then prove it with an effort to change. Take responsibility for yourself, and pay attention to your actions and words. Take your time to quit all your toxic traits of yours and earn the respect of your family.

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Tyler S. Rios, a parent of two, shares her valuable insights into family life. Her blogs focus on parent-child relationships and navigating family conflicts. Tyler's wealth of experience empowers readers to handle family challenges with resilience and resolution.

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