Family BondingMy Son Hasn’t Spoken to Me in Years


My Son Hasn’t Spoken to Me in Years

The relationship between parents and their children irrespective of how old they are is one of the most precious and beautiful things in the world. However, there is no guarantee that this relationship will always continue to be a harmonious one.

As a family consultant, I have talked to multiple parents who share similar concerns. I found out that even if everything in a parent-child relationship has been going smoothly, there is a possibility that one instance of behavior could take a turn for the worse.

For example, an adult child could suddenly stop talking to his parents completely. Your case is pretty much the same. For you to understand why your son hasn’t spoken to you in years, you need to first know the possible reasons. So continue reading to get a better understanding and how you can tackle this situation!

3 Reasons Why Your Son Has Stopped Talking to You

However there are no definite reasons since every individual is unique in their own way. However, with numerous experiences from talking to parents, I was able to come up with a few reasons which could help you. The reasons have been explained below:

Reasons why your son has stopped talking to you

1. Not giving your son his own space

I understand that as a parent you are worried about your son and that you want the best for him. However, you need to understand that your son isn’t a child anymore. He is not only a full-grown adult but an independent one as well who is capable of making his own decisions. Therefore, you need to give your son his space and not get too involved in his life. Try to take a backseat and only get involved if your son himself wants any sort of help or advice from you.

2. Being critical of your son’s life choices

The first time you heard that your son has decided to move, instead of encouraging your son you might have disapproved of your son’s decision to move out. All your son wanted was your support as moving out is not only a difficult decision but a life-changing one as well. Since It is possible that your lack of support deeply hurt him, causing the relationship to become toxic and leading him to stop talking to you completely.

3. Being judgmental toward your son

Subconsciously or sometimes unintentionally parents are often prone to be judgmental towards their children. In your eyes, you might not have been judgmental but your son perceives the situation in a completely different way.

For example, when your son gets his first job. Instead of being congratulatory you might have told him that their job is useless or inadequate. Even though you said this, your intention was to let your son know that according to you he deserves better. Unfortunately, you were not able to convey your message properly. As a result, this not only destroyed all of your son’s enthusiasm but hurt him as well. Miscommunication and not properly expressing your feelings is one of the major reasons for this happening.

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3 Ways Through Which You Can Reconcile with Your Son

Since you now know the possible reasons that pushed your son away from you to the point that he has not spoken to you in years, it is time to learn about the different ways through which you can reconcile with your son.

1. Be open to hearing your son’s perspective

Your son has likely stopped talking to you because you are not open to hearing his point of view. Parents are often prone to compare their children with others. It doesn’t matter whether their child is a full-grown adult but the comparison still exists.

For example, your son and his friend both are working for a technology company. However, the company your son is working for is a startup whereas the company his friend is working for is already well-established and renowned.

Despite numerous attempts by your son to make you understand that even though the company he is working for is a startup, it is a place where he will learn the most. Since he is surrounded by ambitious people just like him, the startup company will likely become just as big as a friend’s company if not bigger.

However, since you have a closed mindset you completely ignore your son’s point of view. This is probably the last thing you should do as you are trying to reconcile with your son. So you not only need to understand your son’s point of view but support him unconditionally as well.

If you understand and support his point of view, this will not only break the ice between you and your son but you are well on your way to reconciliation.

Be open to hearing your sons perspective

2. Accepting their choices

Accepting their choices

One of the reasons why your son decided to stop communicating with you is that you don’t accept him for the way he is. It is not necessary for your son to turn out the way you envisioned him to be. He can choose to be his own unique self and as a parent, your duty is to support him every step of the way.

In addition, you are also critical of his life choices. You have to remember that you are your son’s safety blanket where he finds warmth and affection whenever he is going through a rough phase.

Hence, even if you don’t approve of the life choices your son made, you need to make him believe that you will always accept those choices as long as they don’t cause any harm to him.

For example, if your son marries someone whom you do not approve of, don’t be critical of this decision of his and support him as much as you can. As a result, this will get the point across that you do approve of the marriage which will indicate to your son that he has made the right decision.

3. Don’t demand too much

A question might arise in your mind what does “demanding too much” even mean? Herein lies the problem. The thing that you as a parent perceive to be just a small request on your part could come across as something that your son considers to be too demanding.

For example, you want to talk to your son daily but you understand that it is not a realistic expectation so you narrow it down to talking to your son at least once a week.  You might be thinking what’s the big issue in talking at least once a week?

However, you have to understand that your son might be going through tremendous work pressure, and in addition, he might also be dealing with projects having strict deadlines. Considering all these issues, there is a possibility that your son might not even be getting a proper night’s sleep. As a result, your wish to talk to your son even once a week seems a bit far-fetched. One thing you can do is just leave a text message on your son’s phone and patiently wait for his response.

By doing so you are making sure that you are not demanding too much from your son. Whenever your son gets free time, he will get back to you by responding to the text message you left him.

Dont demand too much

Preventing Communication Cut-Offs

I have discussed the possible reasons why your son has stopped talking to you and the different ways through which you can tackle the situation. But is it enough? No, it is not enough since there is no guarantee that your son will always be on talking terms with you. A few ways which will help you in maintaining the relationship are:

Preventing communication cut offs

Start with a clean slate

Since there is no point in remembering the past and dwelling on it, it is better to start everything afresh and in a new way.  When talking to your son make sure whatever happened in the past remains in the past and never bring up any past experiences as that will put both of you in an awkward situation. Instead, talk about the exciting times that are ahead for both of you.

Don’t hold grudges

No matter how big-hearted a person you are, it is completely normal to hold grudges even if is towards your own son. Considering that he not only abandoned you but stopped talking to you, holding grudges is normal human behavior.

However, since the relationship between you and your son is somewhat normal now why would you want to jeopardize it by holding grudges? The best thing to do is to forget the past and forgive your son. This is because your son didn’t just randomly decide one day that he will stop talking to you but he had his deep-rooted reasons as well.


  1. Why hasn’t my son spoken to me in years?
    There is a multitude of reasons such as your son not getting his own space, as a parent you are not supportive of him and you being judgmental towards him.
  2. What is the best way to get in touch with my son?
    You should try to contact your son now and then by leaving him text messages and if possible sending some handwritten notes or letters.
  3. What is the likelihood that my son will cut off ties with me completely?
    Unless the relationship between you and your son reaches a point where there is no hope of reconciliation, the chances of your son permanently ending the relationship are minimal.

Final Thoughts

The fragile relationship between parents and their children reaches its breaking point when the child is a full-grown adult who is capable of making his own decisions. Therefore, it is extremely important that as a parent you don’t end up doing something which drastically affects the beautiful bond which you and your son share.

You might have unintentionally triggered your son in a way that could make your son stop talking to you but you are not being able to figure out the reasons.

After reading my article, I hope that you not only have a better understanding of the possible reasons why your son hasn’t spoken to you in years but you will also be able to take action accordingly which will allow you to restore the relationship between you and your son.

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Tyler S. Rios, a parent of two, shares her valuable insights into family life. Her blogs focus on parent-child relationships and navigating family conflicts. Tyler's wealth of experience empowers readers to handle family challenges with resilience and resolution.

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