How to Move Away from Family?
Whether you’re an adolescent or adult, there comes a time in most people’s lives when they have to leave the comfort zone that is their family and move into uncharted territories leading an independent life. People move away from family for a variety of reasons such as college, career, or just a fresh start in life.
But moving away from family isn’t as easy as it sounds and many people have difficulty taking the decision and breaking the news to their loved ones. If you find yourself in such a situation, this article will help you make your decision to move away from your family in a structured way and how to cope with your new life.
Moving Away from Family: The Big Decision
If you’ve lived with your family your entire life, moving out may seem like a daunting process. Your family is your comfort zone- they’ve taken care of you all these years, been there for you when you needed emotional support and guidance, and given you the best life they could afford. When you’ve lived in a healthy family environment, all these factors will make you stop and think twice about the move.
On the other hand, if you’ve lived in a toxic family environment your entire life, no doubt you’ve been dreaming of the moment you could move out for years. Getting away from the toxicity and getting a fresh start in life is all you want, and there’s very little that can derail your decision.
Whatever your decision might be, it’s a big decision either way and you need to prepare for weeks, if not months beforehand. Moving away comes with a lot of emotions such as stress, guilt, anxiety, etc. Not only will have to be able to deal with these emotions but the planning of the move and finances as well.
3 Factors to Consider When Moving Away from Family
When you decide to move away from your family, you’ll also need to bear the responsibilities of your own life from there on. So before making a hasty decision, there are a lot of important factors- financial, emotional, and social, that you need to consider. These are the most important factors to keep in consideration when moving away from your family.
Premise of the Move
The first factor you need to consider is the premise of your move. Most young adults make their first move away from home due to school or college. Getting into a good college is tough, so even if it’s in another city or state, most students are willing to make a big change in their lives early on by moving.
Jobs and careers are often the most common reasons why people move away from family to a new place. Maybe you live in a small town with very few opportunities, and moving to a new state or city can allow you to pursue the career of your dreams.
Or maybe you’re already married and settled in with kids, but want to move to a new place to provide a better standard of living for your family. Maybe the living cost of where you’re currently living is a bit too much and you need a change in scenery to a more affordable place.
How Much Your Personal Agency Matters to You?
The family environment you were raised in contributes a lot to the personal agency of your move. If raised in a healthy and positive environment, your personal agency to take control of your life is likely to be far less as you’re used to the unconditional love and support of family, and leaving them for the unknown seems like a scary prospect.
On the other hand, if you were raised in a toxic and abusive household, your personal agency to leave home will be very strong indeed. Thousands of young adults leave home every year as soon as they’re of legal age to make a better life for themselves even if it means enduring hardships in the long run.
So before making the decision to move, you must first try to identify how much your personal agency means to you. Your desire to go to a better college or pursue a better career must be strong enough to make you want to leave your comfort zone. Unless you get that feeling, you’ll find it difficult to cope with the lifestyle changes later on.
How Emotionally Matured You Are?
There is no shame in admitting that the Millennial and Gen Z generations aren’t as emotionally resilient as their ancestors from even a century back. As such, your emotional maturity is a big factor when deciding to move away from your family. If you’re emotionally dependent on one or more family members, things can get tough to decide.
But understand that distance is a part of life, and no matter how much you love your parents, siblings, and friends, you need to make the best decision for yourself. Emotional maturity is realizing what’s the best course for your life and sticking with it. If you’re still emotionally dependent on others, you might not be ready to make the big move yet.
Your emotional maturity will also play a crucial factor when you move to your new place- you’ll be isolated and on your own for at least a couple of weeks before you make new friendships at college or work.
How to Move Away from Family?
Once you make the decision to move away from your family, next comes the hard part- taking the proper steps to turn your decision into reality. Moving away from your family isn’t a decision that affects only you- it also affects your family members as well. So you need to be smart about how you move away from your family.
Basis of Your Decision
Unless you’re an immature rebel and just want to move out to live the way you want to live, you need to have a solid reason for leaving. Studies, careers, and providing a better future for your wife and children are all valid and strong reasons to make the big move.
Leaving a toxic household is also a valid reason, but you need to back it up with either studies or career choices to make it worth your while. Just leaving without a proper game plan can often boomerang and bring you right back to your parent’s doorstep once again.
Getting Your Finances in Order
Once you have a solid basis for the decision to move away from your family, you’ve got to ask yourself- am I financially solvent enough? For most people below 30, the answer is probably no and you will need to find a source of income to pay the bills, rent, and your pocket money.
If you’re leaving home to study, then your parents might be able to help you out at the start if they’re able to, but you’ll need to start making money in the long run. Take a look at your current savings and ask yourself will this be enough to carry me for at least 6 months? If the answer is no, then you better start saving some money to meet that goal.
If you’re moving with your immediate family, then finances become 10 times more important because your kids and significant other are involved.
Do Your Research
Before deciding to move to somewhere new for studies or a career, do some research about the area first. Remember, as soon as you set out from your home you’ll be on your own. The last thing you want to happen is to move to a new place only to realize the environment, culture, food, and people are not suiting you.
With the internet at your fingertips, doing extensive research on any area is as easy as pie. Check out local state and city legislations, tax laws, general information about the area you’ll be living in, crime statistics, and more. Doing this research early on can save you a lot of pain later down the line.
Consider the Pros and Cons of Making the Move
Moving away from your family to a new place might exciting at first, but like everything in life, it also comes with its pros and cons. When choosing the location of your new residence, take a piece of paper and pen and jot down the pros and cons of living there. Factors to put into this list include shopping, restaurants, laundry, rent, and general living costs.
If the cons outweigh the pros, you should consider a different place in the same area or consider not moving at all. If you’re moving due to a new job, calculate and see if the salary or wages will be enough to cover the cons of moving to the new place.
Making a Calendar for Family Events
When you move away from your family, unless you’re living in a nearby town or city, chances are high that you won’t be able to attend all important family milestones like birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, family gatherings, etc. Naturally, some family members will take offense at your absence, but that’s how life is- you can’t make everyone happy.
Since you won’t be able to attend them all, make a calendar of family events that you do want to attend and make time to attend them. As long as you attend the important ones like the anniversaries of your parents and birthdays of your siblings and nieces, your familial relationships should still stay strong even after the distance.
Organizing the Basics of Your New Place
Unless you’re moving to someplace nearby or know some people who are already living where you plan to move, you need to cover the basics before the move. This means renting a place, moving or buying furniture, getting your municipality documentation in order, locating the most convenient stores and shops, etc. If possible, pay a short visit to your new location so you can scope things out better yourself.
Doing these things beforehand will make the transition to your new place much easier. If things like buying furniture are too expensive for you, you can consider renting or leasing them. The same goes for cars as well- if you’ve moved to a big city due to your career, then you obviously need a vehicle to move around from work to home and other places.
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Breaking the Big News To Your Family
Once you’ve got all the basics set in place, it’s time to break the big news to your family. Depending on your age and marital status, this can be a big hurdle to cross for many people. Most parents will likely take your choice to move away from family positively provided it’s for the right reasons.
But some parents and siblings are not likely to take the news well, especially if they’re very emotionally attached to you. Try to break the news at home after calling a family gathering or at the dinner table. If you’re lucky everyone will take the news positively; if not you’ve some serious convincing to do.
It’s highly likely that if you have siblings they won’t take the news lightly as most siblings with good bonding are co-dependent on each other emotionally. This applies to many moms as well who’re very reluctant to let the apple of their eyes leave their sight. But as long as you have the right reasons and talk in the right tone, convincing them won’t prove too difficult.
Understand that moving away from the family isn’t the end of the familial relationship- it’s just the dynamics that will change. As long as you keep communication over video and phone calls, texts, and the occasional trip home outside holidays and calendar events, your family bonding will be as strong as ever.
Make your reluctant family members understand this and they will hopefully be more understanding of your decision and adjust to it in the long run.
Dealing with Your New Life Away From Family
If you thought moving away from your family was the hard part, you would be dead wrong- it’s the easy part minus the emotional and teary goodbyes from your family. Unless you’re married and have a partner with whom you can share the overwhelming number of responsibilities that come with moving to a new place, you’re going to have a hard time. Plus, having a family means it’s easier to fall back into your old routine as a new place changes little of what goes on in a home.
On the other hand, if you’re single, you’re going to have your hands full with trying to organize your new life in a meaningful way. Since you left behind all your friends and old hobbies, you need to replace them with a new routine. Join a soup kitchen, enroll in a gym, join yoga classes, and learn cooking- there’s a variety of ways to fill in your schedule with new people and new activities.
By creating a new routine not only are you changing yourself but picking new skills and increasing your networking with useful and friendly people.
Dealing with Homesickness
If you have strong bonds with your family members and grew up in a healthy family environment, homesickness is a very common and inevitable phenomenon that will happen to you. You will miss the familiar food, the affection of your parents and siblings, and the quality time you’re used to spending with friends from your old place.
This homesickness is natural, but if you let it overwhelm you then you won’t be able to focus on your new life properly. Here are a couple of ways to deal with homesickness after you’ve moved away from your family:
- Accept your emotions. Emotional co-dependence on your family members isn’t easy to get rid of and will take some time depending on how mentally strong you are.
- Bring things with you that you have strong emotional attachments with like posters, stuffed toys, workout equipment, etc. These will help keep the familiar feel of home even in a new place.
- Keep in touch with your friends and family. Thanks to technology this has never been easier, and if you’re not proactively interacting with them, the loneliness you feel is on you.
- Create new friendships and acquaintances in your new place. Especially if it’s highly likely you’ll be spending a lot of time in the next few years at your new place of residence.
- Stick with a routine and stay busy: Sticking with a routine and staying busy will keep your mind off of old memories which is a great way to deal with homesickness.
FAQs
1. How old do I need to be to move away from my family?
You need to be at least 18 years old to be recognized legally as an adult and move away from your family.
2. Is a toxic family environment a good enough reason to move away from my family?
Yes, it is, and you definitely should.
3. What if my parents refuse to let go of me?
If your parents refuse to move away, gently convince them that it’s the best for your future and that the distance won’t impact your relationships.
4. How much money should I have in savings before moving away from my family?
Calculate the monthly expenses of your new place and save enough money so you can go at least six months without a job or financial support.
Final Thoughts
Moving away from family is a big decision, one that many people are hesitant to take because they just don’t know how or due to guilt and fear of the emotional fallout. Remember that just because you have moved away from them does not mean that your familial bond will be broken. They will always be there for you just like you will be for them! Hopefully, now you know all that you need to know about how to move away from family and deal with the practical and emotional consequences. It is a giant jump to take so take it step by step and learn to embrace your new life to the fullest!
Tyler S. Rios, a parent of two, shares her valuable insights into family life. Her blogs focus on parent-child relationships and navigating family conflicts. Tyler's wealth of experience empowers readers to handle family challenges with resilience and resolution.
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